During one of last year's halftimes for Upward Basketball, I was asked to share my testimony.  I thought I'd share it with you ladies, too.  Since I was speaking to young people, I left out the uglies.  But that's ok; it's not important what I was saved FROM, only Whom I was saved FOR:

As far back as I can remember, my mother told me the story of Jesus, how He, the only Son of God, the Creator of the universe, came to earth as a little baby, for one goal, and one goal only: to give His very life as a sacrifice on a painful cross to pay for MY sins.  I accepted this to be true because my mother made it a habit to always speak the truth.  So I believed it, simply because she said it was so, and that was good enough for me.  I developed an interest in gathering knowledge about Jesus, but I never developed a personal relationship with Him.  Over the years I said little prayers from time to time, “Jesus, don’t let me go to Hell,” or similar prayers, but never acknowledging that He was the One spoken of in John 14:6: “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life; no man cometh unto the Father, but by Me.”

When I was a teenager, I lost the three most important men in my life: my father, my stepbrother, and my stepfather.  Already a shy little girl, I became increasingly insecure.  I felt ugly and fearful.  I carried around feelings of self-doubt that only grew the older I became.  I looked for love and acceptance from people who only offered abuse and ridicule.  I developed into a weak person who made one poor choice after another.

My mother, concerned for my well-being, sent me to a Christian boarding school.  I was eager to go; it was a fresh start, and I thought I’d be safe in a Christian environment, surrounded by people who loved Jesus.  But it didn’t take me long to realize not all the students loved Jesus; some were there for the same reason I was, because their parents were concerned for them.  Before I knew it, these were the students who became my friends.  My pattern of being a weak follower who made poor choices continued.

Soon I was preparing for high school graduation and a new life as a college student.  I chose a Christian college, mostly out of fear.  I knew the trouble I would probably get into at a secular college.  Once more, I thought I’d be safe in a Christian environment.  It was a chance for another fresh start.  This time I would make better choices for my life.

But again, my pattern of being a weak follower who made poor choices continued.  When I was around growing Christians, I lived just like they did.  But the moment I was no longer influenced by them, I’d slip back into a lifestyle that didn’t go with the word “Christian.”  It was a frustratingly vicious cycle that never ended . . . living well, living poorly, living well, living poorly.

I continued to make one poor choice after another.  I looked for love and acceptance from people who only offered abuse and ridicule.  I learned how to numb my feelings of inadequacy with drugs and alcohol.  Some of my choices put me in very scary and dangerous situations.  I can honestly say that the only reason I’m standing here before you today is because God in His mercy protected me.

In 1994, I started to date a man I had already known for almost 15 years.  He treated me like I was important, and it sure didn’t hurt that he was good-looking, too!  It didn’t matter to me that he wasn’t a Christian; being seen in public with this man made me feel good about myself.  We married in 1997, and I settled into what I thought would be wedded bliss.  I finally felt good about myself!  But it didn’t take long for the old feelings of insecurity and doubt to creep back in.  I looked to my husband for constant reassurance that I was loved . . . “Do you love me?” “Why do you love me?” “Are you glad we’re married?” I about drove that poor man crazy with my constant need for reassurance.

A few months into our marriage an amazing thing happened to Chris, my husband, through NO influence of mine . . . Chris learned about the same Jesus Christ my mother taught me about as a little girl.  But it was different with Chris.  There was a dramatic, overnight change in his life.  He stopped drinking and doing drugs; his language cleaned up immediately.  He couldn’t get enough of the Bible.  He read the Bible so much that sometimes I’d put my face between his and the Bible and say, “Hey! What about me?”  But now, instead of looking exasperated at my never-ending need for attention, he’d hold me and tell me how blessed he was to have me as his wife.

I watched him carefully for six months.  Then, one night, I realized that I didn’t know his Jesus…not the way he did.  Oh, I knew all about Jesus . . . I had graduated from a Christian boarding school and a Christian college.  I had even at one time had a traveling music and teaching ministry that took me to churches and Christian schools in many different states.  But I didn’t have this personal, intimate relationship with Jesus that Chris had.  I didn’t have victory over sin like Chris had.  I didn’t have joy and peace like Chris had.

So on Saturday, February 14, 1998, at 9:15 p.m., singer and songwriter Kaye Jackson tenderly led me to the Lord.  The first thing I noticed after I asked Jesus to be my very own Savior, acknowledging my need of Him because of my sin, was that I was overwhelmed with the most amazing feeling of relief.  Since that day, Chris and I have faced many, many difficult times together, but that feeling of relief has never gone away.

I still have my ups and downs; I still face some fears.  But the longer I know Christ and the more time I spend with Him and in His Word, the more contentment and assurance I find in Him.

I love you ladies.  Thank you for the part you all play in helping me grow closer to Christ.  You have no idea what a blessing this board has been to me.  This is the ONLY online community I've found where unconditional, Christ-like love and acceptance abounds.

When I first became a member here, I was on the defensive, expecting to get shot down like I had at other "Christian" boards.  I allowed my emotions to cloud my judgment, and I found my feelings getting hurt too easily.  But not once did anyone put me down for that.  Instead, I found support.

Women at Home is a ministry in every sense of the word.  I'm so thrilled to be a part of it all!